Exquisite Corpse: The Play, Part 3

Exquisite Corpse

Setting: On a boat, three guys fishing.

Characters:

John

Jacob

Schmidt

Schmidt: Did you get a tuna, or what?

Jacob: Err, I don’t know. Maybe it’s a dead body or something. This is a heavy motherfucker.

John: What are you two nut cases doing? Pull it in already.

Jacob: We’re trying man, calm your shit.

Schmidt: What is that awful smell? Oh, Jesus!

John: I wiped!

Schmidt: I uhhm I didn’t.

John: Who denied it supplied it.

Schmidt: Nice to see you can use your brain for more than cocktail recipes and porn storage.

John: On occasion…

Schmidt: On occasion for what?

John: It’s personal.

 Exquisite Corpse

Setting: On a boat, three guys fishing.

Characters:

John

Jacob

Schmidt

Schmidt: Did you get a tuna, or what?

John: I took biology in high school. That was twenty years ago. But, I mean, do tunas have high heels and wear yellow “Live Strong” bracelets?

Jacob: I don’t know man. I saw this tuna on TV once that beat a man to death with a mackerel.

Schmidt: I caught a 47 inch Spanish mackerel while sailing off the coast of key largo in the deep water. I battled that beast for 40 minutes!

John: Hang on, lemme get the number for my doctor, you musta broke something with all that back patting.

Jacob: Just your pride, bitch!

Schmidt: Just my what?

John: Never mind you idiot.

Jacob: Fine. But don’t come crying to me when you need help reeling in the next one.

Schmidt: Next time you’ll be in the water, you asshole.

John: Speaking of that, my therapist says that whenever you think someone is an asshole, it’s really because you’re jealous you don’t possess that very quality that you think makes them an asshole.

Schmidt: Don’t try to compare a rose and a pile of shit.

 Exquisite Corpse

Setting: On a boat, three guys fishing.

Characters:

John

Jacob

Schmidt

Schmidt: Did you get a tuna, or what?

John: Keep reeling, Jacob! Keep Reeling!

Jacob: Fuckin’ A, keep your damn pants on already! (Reels in furiously)

John: Fuck you! Just get the goddamn fish…

Schmidt: Reel the fucker in!

John: I would if you help me. I’m not Superman you know.

Jacob: There is no need to point out the obvious.

John: Oh, I’m sorry Jacob. I didn’t realize that a rotting body was obvious!

Jacob: I have something important, John, to tell you. Regarding that very matter.

John: I don’t even wanna hear it, Jacob. I already know what you’re gonna say.

Jacob: Llama.

John: How’d you know…?

Exquisite Corpse: The Play, Part 2

Exquisite Corpse

Setting: On a boat, three guys fishing.

Characters:

John

Jacob

Schmidt

Schmidt: Did you get a tuna, or what? (Cocks shotgun)

John: Feels more like your mom after we hauled her drunk ass home from the Christmas part.

Jacob: I’d fuck your mom, Schmidt!

John: I already fucked her.

Schmidt: What the hell!! You’re sick!

Jacob: What man? I was only trying to dance with it, you know, lighten the mood.

Schmidt: Dance with it? Looks like you’re doing more than dancing! What’s wrong with you?

John: Tuna-dancing, I will have you know, is an important form of exercise.

Jacob: Oh yeah, that’s usually practiced in the West Indies though, isn’t it? I’ve never seen it done around here before.

John: Are we still talking about cannibalism?

Schmidt: No, we moved on to whether or not it’s a sanctified move to make implants mandatory in all porn stars.

Jacob: Depends on the porn.

 Exquisite Corpse

Setting: On a boat, three guys fishing.

Characters:

John

Jacob

Schmidt

  

Schmidt: Did you get a tuna, or what?

Jacob: I don’t… WHAT THE FUCK!!

Schmidt: Come on, help me pull it in.

John: How am I supposed to help you man, I’m holding the bucket for Jacob. Damn sea sickness!

Jacob: What do you have there? It’s huge. Pull that shit in faster John!

John: That’s what she said.

Schmidt: Oooo, too close to home Johnny.

Jacob: What? We’re all men here. Or well, those of us who weren’t born with the natural male apparatus had one sewn on. Haha, I’m just joking.

Schmidt: …Remind me to check your hospital records when we get back.

Jacob: Not sure about that…

Schmidt: Let’s throw the body back into the water.

Exquisite Corpse

Setting: On a boat, three guys fishing.

Characters:

John

Jacob

Schmidt

Schmidt: Did you get a tuna, or what?

John: I don’t know! Help me pull it in.

Jacob: Get the net Schmidt, or wait…no, I’ll get it, it’s over here.

Schmidt: Well, let’s hurry this up. What is that?

John: You can’t hurry perfection. I tell my wife that all the time in the ol’ sack, if you know what I mean.

Jacob: Yeah, some of us practice what we preach, ya know.

Schmidt: Yeah, and some of us practice on peaches.

Jacob: Fool, are you drunk? John, check to make sure he didn’t spike the bottles again.

Schmidt: Just a little Rohypnol.

John: …huh?

Schmidt: Are you hard of hearing?

Jacob: What?!

Exquisite Corpse: The Play, Part 1

Exquisite Corpse

Setting: On a boat, three guys fishing.

Characters:

John

Jacob

Schmidt

Schmidt: Did you get a tuna, or what?

Jacob: It has to be or else I am putting in this effort for nothing.

John: Well, put a little more effort into it man. I need to get home before the old lady starts bitching.

Schmidt: I forgot about her! What’s her name again?

John: Steve! (Elbows Jacob) Right Jacob, am I right?

Schmidt: Who the hell is Steve?

John: Wasn’t he that hopped up Irishman, always looked like someone struck his head in a power box with 

the current still on?

Schmidt: Jaysis!

John: I think I need to change my pants.

Schmidt: Dude, you’re sick.

Jacob: Dude, I thought we had already established that.

Schmidt: The only thing we’ve established here is that John’s gay and we are no longer friends. Be supportive man! This is our last fishing trip!

 Exquisite Corpse

Setting: On a boat, three guys fishing.

Characters:

John

Jacob

Schmidt

  

Schmidt: Did you get a tuna, or what?

John: No, lay off man. I’ll get one sooner or later.

Jacob: Hey, Schmidt, why don’t you lay off? It’s not like you got anything and you got two hands.

Schmidt: At the moment I only got one actually…corpses don’t get you hot?

John: NO! Corpses don’t ‘get me hot’ you sick fuck!

Jacob: Could have fooled us…

Schmidt: Strewth! Could have fooled Odin!

John: What da fuck kind of language is that you speaketh, Schmidt?

Schmidt: The kind your mother speaks.

Jacob: Don’t you dar talk about my mom. I will cut you!

John: If you cut me, I’ll do you one worse. I’ll feed you to whatever is in that stinking water!

Jacob: We’ve all gotta go someday, little brother. If Nessie gets me, she gets me.(Spits tobacco.)

The three sit in silence.

Exquisite Corpse

Setting: On a boat, three guys fishing.

Characters:

John

Jacob

Schmidt

  

Schmidt: Did you get a tuna, or what?

John: Depends, do tuna wear wedding rings?

Jacob: That doesn’t make any sense, John. Wow, this is a big one!

Schmidt: (Cocks shotgun) Looks like it needs some convincing…

John: I don’t know, it don’t seem to be breathin’.

Schmidt: It’s all kinds of different colors.

John: Ew, that’s disgusting!

Schmidt: Not as much as your mom.

Jacob: Leave our moms out of this! You know John’s mom is dead!

John: But there’s something you should know about that: I killed her.

Jacob beats john over the head with fishing pole until he is dead.

Schmidt: I guess you can say he’s dead on the hook.

Exquisite Corpses: Introduction 2

Here’s another set of Exquisite Corpses from my time at University of Wisconsin – Milwaukee. These took place during my junior year at the end of the fall semester. That semester I had taken a course on Playwriting that was being taught by Colleen Abel, who was also the instructor for my Introduction to Creative Writing course during my sophomore year. We used the same concepts to write these Exquisite Corpses as we did during the poetry corpses, we just did it with plays instead.

As before, I want to make sure to give credit where credit is due. Here are the people that were involved in this project (excluding myself): Colleen Abel, Colton Dunham, Mercedes Hernandez, Heather Meuret, Latia Parnell, Matt Roeder, Jake Schultz, and Jacob Sindic.

Melloh Yelloh, Part 5

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’clock?!

Trying to get myself ready to go but,

we’re all asleep

from a long night of annotation writing.

Pikachu had to keep me awake

‘cause I was so drunk from all that sake.

I want to get drunk and do karaoke,

but then sober up real quick-like because I’ve got class tomorrow, and I’m responsible;

though that won’t guarantee me showing up with pants on.

Then everyone will see my thong

as I strut down North Ave.

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’clock!?

I just woke up seven minutes ago;

everyone is busily writing something.

I wish I liked coffee.

Drinking coffee makes me feel grown-up,

it makes me feel so mature.

Janis said one day,

“You and I will be gay,

and by gay I mean really freakin’ cheerful,

and by cheerful, I mean unhealthily chipper.

The kind of chipper that makes you want to curl up and hide.”

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It's eight o' clock?!

Abby spills her coffee over LL's laptop. Shock!

Oh GOD! It's everywhere, and she doesn't look very happy.

It's like an explosion of disgusting and sticky and delicious

Fluffy goodness in my mouth

So soft and delightful

Like a furry little hen

With dancing shoes on

And a song stuck in my head

Of days gone by, forgotten

And our hands full of tiny llamas

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’clock!?

Everyone is wide awake,

the sun is rising while I made my way to school

and I felt very fake.

Many write poems about being baked

that’s why they always see Pokemon.

Babies always be cryin’,

damn straight, I ain’t lyin’.

Except I am. I’m sorry,

or am I?

(give Doctor Evil face, pinky to dastardly smile)

Yes!

Melloh Yelloh, Part 4

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’ clock?!

Intersecting lines divide us not

but still they cut our hands in two

and stapled our earloves to our neck.

They also melted our shoes to our feet,

I have no idea what the above sentence means.

Too bad I can’t help you out

for I feel like there is much I do not know:

like the reason for unicorn’s existence.

I ran to the lake for an evening piss,

I didn’t even see that shark.

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’clock?!

And the noose is tight.

Another day, another victim.

Ever delay what has already been written;

what has already been bought

was bought by my dead hamster

who apparently had the money to buy it.

He won the lottery last week

and now he’s homeless

because his writing was too much for those to handle.

Gotta catch them all!

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’clock?!

I finally found my llama;

I left it in the front pouch of my backpack,

it was cold so I put it there to stay warm.

This will not be the most brilliant thing I’ve ever written.

If anyone is brilliant, it’s not me.

“I feel like all my writing is always not up to par,”

is what she said,

“bitches always giving me head!”

I have no idea where they get them from – maybe the morgue?

Yeah, probably the morgue.

Melloh Yelloh, Part 3

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’clock?

I slump down in my chair,

“Did I remember to comb my hair,

what happened last night?

and where the hell are my pants?

I may have left them in the park by Hobo Jim.

But then again I could just have a terrible memory

of things that should always be forgotten;

and llamas that will never be found. =,(

Cursed be those who hunt llamas!

May those who are cursed be sentenced to hell!

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’clock?!

Trying to get myself ready to go

for a long day of classes.

A wild Pikachu appears!

Rua, my yellow little friend!

You remind me of a little yellow spaceship,

until I look hard enough, then you’re more of a hue of orange.

Though don’t get me wrong – it’s still an awful colour on you –

it’s as though someone got sick and blew

chocolate gravy all over

Oh shit! I’m allergic to chocolate!

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’clock?!

What am I doing awake,

should I be somewhere right now?

Heh heh, probably

or maybe not, I don’t know.

Either way, it’s a fucking shame

describes scenes that never come.

Writes her own because the professionals are shit heads;

Literally, they have shit in their heads.

How quaint.

Perhaps they’ll be tomorrow coming.

Melloh Yelloh, Part 2

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’clock!?

Early morning alarm gives me shock.

In the shower, I think about William Butler Yeats,

but I dare not let anyone know that, because it’s embarrassing.

I’m already blushing, just thinking about it,

just thinking about what I just wrote.

How do I work with this,

maybe I should approach this like I would a rabid dolphin.

You know, stay out of the water and approach with care, and maybe a shotgun,

because if they get to you first, you’re better off dead.

For the zombies will feast and in turn leave you wanting more.

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’ clock?!

And I’ve already been up for three hours!

How can you sleep when there are so many things to do?

What do I do first?!

I feel so heavy,

maybe it’s because I’m on a planet with 1.8 times the mass of Earth.

Wait, was that a storm trooper?

No, just a kitten. How could I confuse the two?

Easily for a deer is an elephant and an elephant is a dog;

and a llama found

buried treasure.

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’clock?

It reeks of sewage rot

and skeletal remains of rats cover the ground,

everything is dust and decay and silence.

The corpse, belayed, never passive

her corpse was stuck on an A flat, she didn’t notice.

Like Little Miss Sunshine, they found porn in the trunk,

along with handcuffs and strawberries.

She tripped on the pavement and the strawberries mashed,

she fell on the ground and the cloud berries flashed

now she is covered because she crashed.

Melloh Yellow, Part 1

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’ clock!?

Time for someone to make a hilarious grand entrance into class

taking time to delay the seriousness that never lasts.

So we find our llamas.

They were waiting for us in the hallways,

because they weren’t invited to the classroom.

They begin a conversation and become good friends

then turn one of them gets punched in the heart;

because they think they know it all,

for example: the purpose of unicorns

is a lighter form of porn.

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’ clock?!

Which now we are all gathered

around the loading dock.

I find the man, Spock.

“Dear God, Spock,” I say. “What’s with the goatee?”

He replies, “I’m a goat of course.”

Well, he was the most handsome goat I ever did see,

but I usually like sheep.

They put me to sleep in the best way;

a solid thump to the head.

And buried in the New Jersey soil.

Melloh Yelloh

Yay! It’s eight o’clock!?

I can’t wait to get to class

and get some ASS!

Speaking of which, there’s always some downtown,

but I don’t go there anymore because I’ll get mugged and shot

because everyone on the street is both greedy and sadistic;

wrapped in themselves.

I love pigs in a blanket.

Well, maybe just the blankets

on the floor with the vodka,

and happy as ever.

Exquisite Corpses: Introduction

I first learned about Exquisite Corpses in my Introduction to Creative Writing class with Colleen Abel. The idea is to write in a group. Once you have the group you come up with a title and the first line of the Corpse. After that each member of the group writes the next line of the Corpse. They, then, fold the paper over so only the line that they last wrote can be seen and pass it to their neighbor. The neighbor will then add a line to the Corpse, fold the paper so only their line can be seen, and then pass it to their neighbor. This will continue for as long as the group decides to continue.

As you can probably guess, the results can be extremely hilarious or extremely profound or both. What will follow are the first Exquisite Corpses I was ever involved in. I want to reiterate that these are a group effort. And because of that I want to also let you know who was involved. Not all of the people listed below were there the day we composed these Corpses, but because they left an indelible impression on the class, I feel they deserved to be mentioned as well.

Here are the writers of the Exquisite Corpses that will follow: Colleen Abel, Toni Alioto, Abigail Bong, Carol Brandt, Colleen Cavanaugh, Daniel Defenbaugh, Paul Fischer, Lorilei Flores, Gabriel Goodman, Amber Graham, Nathanyel Langreder, Quoc Quan Le, Okikuni Okabe, Matt Roeder, Jake Schultz, Shira Stein, Taylor Wall, Jess Wichman, J Courtney Wilkerson, Amanda Williams, and Mikail Winters.

This first set of Exquisite Corpses went by the title “Melloh Yelloh” and had the first line “Yay! It’s eight o’ clock?!” (although you will see the punctuation possibly change over Corpses). Writing ties people together, and this class is tied together by what we did in this class together and I’m proud to be a part of it.

Stay tuned for the actual Exquisite Corpses!