Exquisite Corpse: The Play, Part 1

Exquisite Corpse

Setting: On a boat, three guys fishing.

Characters:

John

Jacob

Schmidt

Schmidt: Did you get a tuna, or what?

Jacob: It has to be or else I am putting in this effort for nothing.

John: Well, put a little more effort into it man. I need to get home before the old lady starts bitching.

Schmidt: I forgot about her! What’s her name again?

John: Steve! (Elbows Jacob) Right Jacob, am I right?

Schmidt: Who the hell is Steve?

John: Wasn’t he that hopped up Irishman, always looked like someone struck his head in a power box with 

the current still on?

Schmidt: Jaysis!

John: I think I need to change my pants.

Schmidt: Dude, you’re sick.

Jacob: Dude, I thought we had already established that.

Schmidt: The only thing we’ve established here is that John’s gay and we are no longer friends. Be supportive man! This is our last fishing trip!

 Exquisite Corpse

Setting: On a boat, three guys fishing.

Characters:

John

Jacob

Schmidt

  

Schmidt: Did you get a tuna, or what?

John: No, lay off man. I’ll get one sooner or later.

Jacob: Hey, Schmidt, why don’t you lay off? It’s not like you got anything and you got two hands.

Schmidt: At the moment I only got one actually…corpses don’t get you hot?

John: NO! Corpses don’t ‘get me hot’ you sick fuck!

Jacob: Could have fooled us…

Schmidt: Strewth! Could have fooled Odin!

John: What da fuck kind of language is that you speaketh, Schmidt?

Schmidt: The kind your mother speaks.

Jacob: Don’t you dar talk about my mom. I will cut you!

John: If you cut me, I’ll do you one worse. I’ll feed you to whatever is in that stinking water!

Jacob: We’ve all gotta go someday, little brother. If Nessie gets me, she gets me.(Spits tobacco.)

The three sit in silence.

Exquisite Corpse

Setting: On a boat, three guys fishing.

Characters:

John

Jacob

Schmidt

  

Schmidt: Did you get a tuna, or what?

John: Depends, do tuna wear wedding rings?

Jacob: That doesn’t make any sense, John. Wow, this is a big one!

Schmidt: (Cocks shotgun) Looks like it needs some convincing…

John: I don’t know, it don’t seem to be breathin’.

Schmidt: It’s all kinds of different colors.

John: Ew, that’s disgusting!

Schmidt: Not as much as your mom.

Jacob: Leave our moms out of this! You know John’s mom is dead!

John: But there’s something you should know about that: I killed her.

Jacob beats john over the head with fishing pole until he is dead.

Schmidt: I guess you can say he’s dead on the hook.