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Monday, October 7, 2013

The Soul of Andrew Scott, Part 6

Before he knew it, Andrew was playing the Roxy Theater in Los Angeles under the banner of simply Andrew Scott. With my help he assumed the role of solo artist with The Great Wall of Thunder taking the role of just a backing band. The power of suggestion is a splendid thing! He soon found a home at record label One Haven Music and recorded his debut solo album at Jungle Room Recording Studio. Of course, he forgot about most of the recording session in a haze of coke, booze, and pricey prostitutes.
That didn’t seem to matter to the record buying public, though, as Mr. Scott found his album titled Broken Trust Fund on a slow burn to number one all around the world. The Germans were the first to cement its number one status, showing that they haven’t gotten much more musically inclined since turning David Hasselhoff into a musical celebrity. Next he sky rocketed to the top of the charts in Japan, but let’s face it, that’s really not that hard to pull off. Soon England fell to my, I mean his, dastardly charms followed by France, Italy, and even America.
It wasn’t the quick rise that he was expecting, but what more can you expect when you start off the charts at 63. At least he broke the Billboard Hot 100. Each week though he progressively sold more and more till he reached number one after six weeks on the charts. He celebrated with heroine, meth, and a party that would have put the orgies of Emperor Caligula to shame; trust me, I’ve been to them all. Andrew found out that with my help he could do meth, coke, weed, and heroine in one sitting and be completely unfazed with nothing more than the buzz he desired.
Andrew experienced a love and adoration from his fans that few artists this side of The Beatles and Michael Jackson have ever experienced and every artist wanted to work with him. He recorded duets with Madonna, Paul McCartney, Rolling Stones, Jay-Z and additionally had affairs with many actresses and female pop stars that shall remain nameless (only because everyone already thinks they’re sluts anyway, they don’t need my help in that department). With my help and guidance Andrew Scott could do no wrong.
That year he launched a worldwide tour that took him from Australia to Taiwan and back to America with ten countries in between. He won Grammy’s for Best Rock Album, Best New Artist, and Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance as well as performing at the ceremony with a surprise walk on appearance by Eminem. It was one of many award ceremonies he performed at in the wake of our agreement. He even had the honor of shooting a music video on the Great Wall of China (The Great Wall of Thunder did not appear in the music video though).
Everything was going perfect for Andrew Scott. One day, after the tour was over and before he was set to go into the studio to record his second album, Andrew decided to go to Prague on vacation. To be honest, I’m not sure Scott even knew where Prague was on the map, but he found out that at The Hilton in Old Town Prague there was a restaurant called Maze by Gordon Ramsay and he was a big fan of Ramsay’s show Hell’s Kitchen (no one bothered to tell him that there was a Maze by Gordon Ramsay in New York as well). So I met with him one night for fine dining and a cocktail to discuss his recent fame and our arrangements.
When I arrived he had already ordered and was about to dig into a Beef Wellington. “Watchin’ Hell’s Kitchen I’ve always wondered what Beef Wellington and risotto tastes like.” He cut off a huge chunk and shoved it into his mouth. The look that passed across his face was purely orgasmic, exaggerated to the point where he would have disgusted his fellow patrons if it were not for the fact that he was a celebrity. “Oh God,” he said with a full mouth, “this is delicious!”
“Yeah,” I said with a smile, “you enjoying your new found celebrity.”
“Oh man, I have to thank you for that. I never knew it would be like this. You were right, this is all way beyond my wildest dreams. I ran into Madonna the other day, I don’t want to say I tapped that. But, well, you know.”
“Oh, I know. Actually, Andrew, I’m here to discuss our agreement.”
“Do you want somethin’ to eat first? You can put it on my tab, anything you want.”
“No, that’s okay, I’m not the eating type. No, I need something from you, it’s time for you to honor your side of the bargain.”
“Alright, sure, that won’t be a problem. Hell, you gave me all this, I’ll do anything.”
“I was hoping you’d say that,” I smiled and leaned forward a little bit and motioned him to come closer. “I need you to wake up.”
He furrowed his brow as a quizzical look crossed his face. “What?”

“Wake up, Andrew!”

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